The Best Laid Plans
by Geostigma
Summary: Sometimes you are stupider then you look. Sometimes, you just need a shove in the right direction. And sometimes, you end up with a pink haired kunoichi wrecking you bedroom wall. It all seemed like a good idea at the time! NarxHin


Random little Naruto/Hinata ficlet that I did as a challenge. Free bubble tea goes to the person who writes the best fiction, so I was game.

Not much else besides that, 'cept that there were certain rules that I'll explain to the end. Frankly, I think followed them pretty well.

Anywho, nothing dirty [because I was advised against it... sadly... just cute and smushy and a little random. But I like random, random is good

Um, time frame? Err, well I guess after series end, whenever that might be. At least after the timeskip, because Sai shows up and Sakura has her supper strenght.

No real spoilers, I tactfully avoid them, rating for mild language and sexual innuendo.

---

"You are an idiot."

Naruto deadpanned, chopsticks stuffed with ramen frozen on the way to his mouth, staring wide eye at the kunoichi standing behind him, knowing that the hands on hips position was never, ever a good sign.

"You are, by far, the _ STUPIDEST_ boy I have ever met," Sakaru continued, glaring at her dumbstruck companion. "You mean you honestly don't _know_?!"

Naruto huffed, angrily shoving his food into his mouth, chewing and swallowing with much gusto. She wasn't being fair! How was he supposed to know! Know what? He wasn't a mind reader! He doubted even Shikamaru, genius that he was would've been able to figure this out. Here he was, eating his ramen, saying hello to Sakura, and BAM! She started yelling at him!

"... It never occurred to you, not once, that maybe, just _maybe_, Hinata's behavior towards you was a little strange?" Sakura continued, now sounding less angry and more incredulous. Naruto took this as a good sign, figuring his chances of getting out of this without the shit being kicked out of him was much improved.

"Sakura-chan, _everything_ about Hinata is strange!" Naruto protested in all earnsty. It was true! The shy Hyuuga heiress had this bad habit of making funny squeaky noises if Naruto looked at her, and turning absurd shreds of red and passing out if he attempted to talk to her. Why was Sakura-chan getting so angry? That wasn't normal by _anyones_ standard.

_SLAM!_

So much for escaping this unscathed.

Naruto howled, hands reaching up to clasp over his face as it exploded with pain, blood trickling through his fingers as he held his injured nose, glaring at Sakura through the starry vision.

"Wud wuz dat fo'?!" Naruto protested, flinching as his nose began to throb. Sakura growled, her fist pulling back to deliver another bone crushing punch.

"WAAIIID!" Naruto shouted, scrambling from his barstool and trying to put as much room between him and the temperamental blossom.

"I'm seeriuz!" Naruto whined, giving Sakura his most imploring look. It wasn't a very good look, but it was enough to pause Sakura's current vendetta. No matter how much better it made _her_ feel, Sakura doubted it would do Naruto any good. She doubted even her punches could penetrate his thick skull.

Honestly, she didn't think even _Naruto_ was this dense.

Sakura growled, fist slamming down on the ramen bar. Naruto winced, knowing that if he wasn't careful the same force that just split would be splitting his face.

Again.

"She is not _strange_, she's shy!" Sakura glared, wondering if all boys were this dense. She figured not, otherwise there'd be no way Konoha would have reached a population half its current size.

She had been curious when Naruto had shown up alone at Ichiraku for his daily meal alone, having been _sure_ that the shy heiress had finally collected the gall to admit some of her feelings for Naruto. According to Ino [who was apparently an expert on everything social going ons of everybody in Konoha, Hinata had planned on asking Naruto to lunch with her, which is what Sakura was doing here in the first place. She had staked out not to far from Naruto's only food source, knowing that chances are the two of them would wind up here. She had _hoped_ to prevent Naruto from doing anything too stupid.

Apparently she was too late.

"So wud? Wuz duz dat haff to do wif anyfing?!" Naruto demanded, trying his hardest to speak through a broken nose. Sakura sighed, walking over to her injured friend. Naruto whelped, forgoing his noise to cover the top of his head with his hands, wanting to protect himself from further injury.

"Stop that," Sakrua scolded, gingerly touching Naruto's swollen nose. Naruo flinched but didn't pull away, probably because of the hand gripping his forearm. It was bad enough Sakura had broken his nose, the last thing he wanted was to walk out of this crazy situation with a broken arm as well.

However, Sakura seemed to cooling off, for instead of more pain Naruto was greeted with the cooling sensation of Sakura's healing jutsu, finally relaxing as Sakura went to work fixing his nose.

Honestly, he didn't know what he had done wrong! When Sakura asked what he was doing here, he told her; getting lunch.

When she asked him what he was doing here alone, he answered.

"_Alone? Oh! You mean, I was supposed to take Hinata with me? See, I was hoping to meat up with you Sakura-chan, and I told her so. She seemed really disappointed, but it's ok! I suggest that maybe she goes ask Kiba or something, that way she didn't need to eat by herself!" Naruto said, grinning broadly. Obviously he felt as though he had accomplished something._

A few short sentences later and Sakura was yelling at him, and punching him, and it simply was not adding up.

"She was _trying_ to ask you out, moron!" Sakura huffed, pulling away once she was sure she had fixed the damage she had inflicted. Honestly she was surprised. She hadn't even fractured a facial bone. She was getting sloppy.

"Why would she do _that?_" Naruto asked, face screwing up in confusion. Sakura face palmed, and forced herself to count to ten before answering.

"Because she _likes_ you!" Sakura explained through gritted teeth. Naruto blinked, the words slowly sinking in. LIked him? As in, liked liked him?

"...Oh."

One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten.

"Oh, OH?! What do you mean, 'oh'? Is that all you have to say, you MORON?!" Sakura howled, causing Naruto to shrink dramatically in size. Apparently, she should've counted to something higher then ten.

"Sakura-chan, there's no need to get so angry...!"

"And there's no need for you to be so STUPID!" Sakura shrieked, advancing on the cowering ninja. Naruto swore his life was flashing before his eyes. He was suddenly filled with so much regret. He didn't want to die a bloody, painful death huddled in Ichiraku Ramen shop. At least not a bloody painful one, and at least not yet! Sure, some hundred years down the road it be a nice way to go, sipping on a bowl of hot ramen, making sure not spill any on his Hokage robs.

But he certainly didn't want to die in an orange jump suit after being pummeled by a pink haired kunoichi.

"Oh! So it is you! I knew only a hag could make words sound so painful. Is having an ugly voice a direct result of having an ugly face?"

"SAI! THANK GOD!" Naruto cried, for once happy for the socially challenged ninja. He was sure Sai's blunt comments about Sakura's appearance would turn her anger elsewhere, namely away from his face.

"Naruto-kun's here too? You know, you shouldn't hit girls Dog. Though, I'm not sure being dickless equates to Naruto being a girl," Sai said casually, his face still trying to master that whole smiling bit. Naruto snarled, own temper flaring as he glared at the artist.

"Listen here bastard, I'm more of man then you'll ever be!" Naruto howled, pointing his finger at Sai to emphasize his point. Sai continued to smile, before opening his mouth to deliver another perfectly innocent, equally scathing remark.

"Enough!" Sakura called, cutting short whatever Sai had to say. "Enough. Sai, shut up. Just shut up, you're not helping. Naruto, we need to talk," Sakura snapped, grabbing the fuming orange clad ninja by the arms with every intention of dragging him, _calmly_ explaining to him that he must be as socially challenged as Sai if he hadn't realized the way Hinata felt about him.

"But I'm still _hungry_! Can't we eat _and_ talk!" Naruto whined, instantly distracted by the idea of being pulled away from his still half full, quickly cooling meal.

Sakura let out an exasperated sigh, but realized that this was a battle she didn't want to fight, and chances are wouldn't win. Naruto unfed, knowing that he had a perfectly good bowl of ramen somewhere, was a Naruto that wasn't going to pay attention.

"Fine. Sit." Sakura said, joining Naruto. To both their displeasure, Sai decided to join them as well, probably figuring this was some sort of team exercise.

"Naruto, how could you have not realized Hinata liked you?" Sakura said, trying to keep her voice calm and level. She had a feeling if she started yelling again, Naruto would only result to whining again.

Which would lead to more punching, and she wasn't sure if she'd have the honor to heal him this time.

"Because...!" Naruto stuttered, though he found no answer coming. Actually, finding out that Hinata had a crush on him answered a lot of strange questions.

"... It wasn't that obvious, was it?" Naruto asked, suddenly sounding meek.

"Is that what you're talking about?" Sai piped up, knowing from his book that in order to build relationships, he must actively partake in group conversations and offer meaningful insights. Naruto and Sakura turned to him, blinking in surprise.

"I was perplexed with her interaction with Naruto-kun for some time, for it appears as though she has been trying to form a special bond. I was under the impression that she is not doing it incorrectly for Naruto-kun has taken no notice. I offered to show her my book in hopes of helping her, but she only blushed and ran away," Sai stated, matter of factly

Sakura couldn't help but snicker, especially when she saw Naruto blush in return. It was funny enough, thinking that Sai had been offering _anyone _relationship advice, but it was even more so by the fact that Sai, the trained to be emotionless assassin, had been quicker on the uptake then Naruto.

"Or it could be that despite Hinata-san's best attempts, Naruto-kun was simply uninterested and therefor blind to the attempts," Sai said, causing Sakura to facepalm again.

Funny, nobody seemed to take into consideration what _Naruto_ might think of the entire situation. Everybody had been so caught up in the knowledge and excitement of Hinata's crush had on Naruto that it seemed everybody had forgotten that not once has Naruto expressed interest in anyone other then Sakura.

But what surprised her was that there was no corresponding outburst from Naruto. There was no vehement exclamation, no loud denials or other sign that from the usually outspoken ninja.

Instead, he sat there, playing with his ramen and looking strangely deep in thought. Sakura blinked, willing to pay an obscene amount of money to know what he was thinking.

The money would have been well spent. Naruto had through Hinata was creepy the first couple of times they interacted, always stuttering and blushing and showing up when he least expected it. Later on he had accepted her as a comrade, as she become more comfortable to her situation in life.

But it had never occurred to him that she would be anything other then a friend, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out _why_?

She was quite pretty, and probably wouldn't beat him to death if he said or did something she didn't agree with. She was kind and patient and quiet and apparently totally devoted to him. She wasn't hung up on pretty boys like Sasuke, Sai or Neji, like all the other Konoha kunoichi.

In other words, everything Sakura _wasn't_. The only thing the two had in common was their good looks.

"Huh," Naruto said, coming to a sudden realization. Sakura crashed next to him. First "oh", and now "huh"? What was _wrong_ with him?!

In a way Naruto had resigned himself to the fact that him and Sakura were simply not meant to be. Not only had she shown no interest him, but on some very profound levels Sakura scared him. Her temper was becoming as infamous as her strength, and her ability with genjutsu was the bloody icing on the ass kicking cake.

He continued to moon after her because it felt weird not doing it. It was almost like a bad habit.

But _Hinata_?

"Sakura-chan I need _help_."

---

"Ok, here's the plan."

Naruto, Sakura and Sai huddled together going over the finer points of Sakura's well thought out strategy.

"One: You are going to head over to Ino's and ask if you can speak to Hinata..."

"But what if...!"

"Naruto, shut up. I know Hinata agreed to help Ino out to today at the flower shop, she'll be there, trust me."

Naruto huffed, but kept himself silent. Yesterdays meeting at Ichiraku had been very enlightening for both Naruto and Sai. No wonder Shikamaru seemed to think all women were troublesome. Personally, after all the stuff Sakura had talked about last night, even Naruto was starting to think it was not worth the hassle. Girls!

"Two: You are going to ask her to go to lunch with you, and you are not taking her to Ichiraku."

"_Sakura-chaaaan...!" _

"Naruto, **no**. Don't worry, I've got you covered.Three: You are not to mention me, _at all_," Sakura finished. Naruto felt like whining, but the death glare Sakura sent him silenced all protest. This wasn't even sounding _fun _anymore. He had no objection to spending more time with Hinata, but Sakura was making it downright ridiculous.

"If you do, Hinata will only get jealous, or think that you were forced to do this or something. Got that?" Naruto nodded glumly, looking less and less forward to this each second.

"Ok, here you go. This is your lunch. You're going to take her on a nice, **romantic** picinic, ok?" Sakura finished, handing Naruto a whicker basket.

"Sakura, I don't even _like _picnics!"

"It's not about what_ you_ like, it's about what _she_ likes!" Sakura snapped, shoving Naruto in the right direction.

"But that's not _fair_!" Naruto whined, but did as he was told. He knew he'd be killed if he didn't.

---

Naruto laughed nervously, wondering if the world has turned against him. Ino stood there, hands crossed, and Naruto was receiving yet another death glare. Somehow, he had a feeling that Ino knew about him accidently turning Hinata down yesterday.

"Anno... hello Ino!" Naruto said, scratching the back of his head nervously. Ino's only response was a glare.

"Um, is Hinata here?" Naruto squeaked, praying that he'd walk out of this alive. That's all he cared about anymore; escaping this with his life.

"Hmph."

Naruto blinked, not sure if "hmph" translated as a yes or a no. Going off of some of the things Sakura told him last night, he translated it as 'yes she is, but why would she want to talk to _you_?'.

"Um, could I speak with her?"

SLAM.

Naruto wilted, taking that as a no. God, Sakura was going to kill him. Well, might as well trying to do it his way, loud an obnoxious.

"INOOOOO!!" Naruto began, dropping the basket so he could bang on the door.

Nothing.

"IIIIIIINOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto continued to yell, drawing the gaze of those who passed by. He didn't care. He had gotten quite quite used to people staring at him over the few years.

Third times a charm!

"IIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!"  "WHAT?!" Ino hauled, flinging the door open once again.

"I need to speak with Hinata!"

"Why, so you can break her heart again!" Ino snapped back, pale blue eyes blazing. Naruto cowered, laughing nervously as he shook his head vehemently no.

"No, no, no! I uh... want to take her to lunch!" Naruto said, picking up the picnic basket and holding it out like an offering. Ino's eyes narrowed as she studied Naruto, wondering if this was some sort of sick joke.

"Fine. But if you hurt her, at all, you're going to have to answer to _me_," Ino snapped. Naruto sighed.

_You and Sakura both..._

"Hinata-chan, someone's here to see yooouuu!" Ino sang. Naruto could feel the vein in his head twitch. Wasn't she angry like... two seconds ago?

"Who is it Ino-san?" Came a meek reply, as Hinata walked into view. Or at least Naruto _thought_ it was Hinata, because all Naruto really got a chance to see, was a glimpse of long black hair that disappeared with a quiet squeak.

"Hello Hinata-chan!" Naruto called, sounding painfully cheerful. Ino scowled at him [now what did he do wrong? but decided not to say anything. Instead, she headed over to where Hinata was hiding.

"I-I-Ino-san..." Hinata muttered, giving her friend a pleading look. Ino frowned, worried that she might be doing the wrong thing. But Hinata was a friend in need, and she was not going to back down now!

"Go get him tiger!" Ino cheered, grabbing the dumbstruck girl and shoving her out the door and into Naruto, before slamming and locking the door behind her.

"Uh... good afternoon Hinata," Naruto said, laughing nervously as he held the girl Ino had basically thrown at him. Hinata looked up, eyes wide and staring face turning a burning crimson red.

"Na... Na..." She managed to stutter, before collapsing in a heap in his arms.

Naruto sighed, gathering the girl up in his arms to take her someplace to quiet. Grabbing the basket Sakura had graced him with he wandered off, wondering if this would constitute as kidnapping.

Oh well. At least he'd get a bite to eat before everything went to hell.

---

Hinata sighed, eyes fluttering as she fought to regain herself. She knew this feeling. The dizziness, the confusion, the waking up in a place she wasn't last.

She had fainted again, hadn't she?

Only...

"Ah! Hinata! You're awake!"

Hinata squeaked, eyes going wide as her vision cleared to Naruto's face, looking earnestly at the young girl, eyes going wide at the wide blush that spread over her face, and the way her eyes began to droop again.

"AH! Nononononoonono oh please don't faint againt!" Naruto pleaded, grasping Hinata's shoulders to hold her steady.

_He's... he's touching me..._

Hinata let out a soft moan, but fought to keep consciousness. No, she wouldn't faint again. Not after Naruto had asked her not to. Oh no, what was Naruto still doing here! Looking around, she tried to figure out exactly where she had been taken to, as she was most definitely not at Ino's shop.

"The... the Academy?" Hinata mumbled, realizing she was leaning up against the familiar tree outside the old place of learning. She was at the Academy, alone, with _Naruto_.

"Haha, yeah..." Naruto muttered, looking slightly bashful. Pulling away from Hinata, he sat down on old swing, staring wistfully at the building.

"I like coming here when it's empty," Naruto said, swinging back and forth as he smiled fondly at the Academy. Blinking, Hinata noticed the low position of the sun. Blushing again, she wondered just how long she had been out for.

And had Naruto stayed with her the entire time?

"I used to hate coming, back when we were training to become ninjas. Everybody used to hate me back then, and all I ever wanted was somebody to acknowledge my existence," Naruto said. Hinata watched him, confused why anybody could like a place that held such awful memories.

"But now... now's different. I got plenty of friends, and people know and respect me. I'm not the 'demon fox' any more, I'm Naruto... who, well... happens to have a slight fox problem," Naruto joked, smiling at Hinata.

"After all that problem with Akatsuki, and Sasuke..." Naruto trailed off, before shaking his head to clear those thoughts.

"Coming here reminds me of how well I got it, and not to take things for granted. Keeps me humble," Naruto said, still smiling. Hinata slowly smiled back. It made sense, in a strange, very Naruto way.

"OOH! Anyways, you hungry!" Naruto said, reaching over to rummage through a basket Hinata hadn't noticed before. Pulling out an onigiri he handed it to Hinata, smiling as she shyly took it from his hands.

This... this was nice. Naruto was completely comfortable with her, and also seemed to spread some of his boundless confidence to her. Not to mention, her long held dream was coming true. She was spending time alone with Naruto, and she was completely conscious!

"I hope you don't mind that I already ate," Naruto said, rubbing his stomach as he interrupted his thoughts. "I was very hungry, and those rice balls Sakura-chan made were goooood."

Hinata paused, feeling the blood rush from her face and her hands go cold. Sakura...?

"Did... did Sakura... and... and... Ino put you up to this...?" Hinata questioned softly, suddenly feeling ashamed and surprisingly... angry. What if... what if Naruto was only doing this because he felt sorry for her. Or worse! He was doing it out of pity or guilt, or because he knew she would accept!

"Nope, Ino had nothing to do with it. Sakura-chan got really angry when she heard that I had turned you down yesterday, and threatened to kill me if I did... n't..." Naruto said, eyes going wide as his hands shot up to cover his mouth.

Oops.

"You... you mean they... she..." Hinata swallowed, feeling her eyes begin to burn with a sudden flood of feelings.

It had taken all her courage to ask Naruto to join her for something to eat. When he had so casually brushed her off for Sakura, Hinata had resigned herself to the fact that Naruto would never acknowledge her, especially when compared to someone as strong and beautiful as Sakura. When Naruto had shown up looking for her, the rush of emotion had sent her spiraling into another faint, but she remembered the way those emotions had made her feel. She had been _so happy_, and to find out that Naruto was doing this because he felt threatened if he _didn't_?

Naruto swallowed, knowing from the look on Hinata's face (and his own berating conscious) that he had done something really, _really_ bad.

"No, Hinata... I mean...!" Hinata didn't want to here it. Standing up, eyes flashing dangerously, cheeks flushed with fury instead of her usually timidness.

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me Naruto," She said, her voice sounding strangely steely. Naruto was used to hearing her shy whisper, and the sudden change of temper left Naruto feeling almost dazed.

"You of all people should understand," She snapped, throwing down the onigiri and storming off.

Naruto swore, hoping off the swing to chase after her.

"Hinaaaattaaa! It's not like that!" Naruto yelled, catching up on the strangely infuriated Hyuuga. She stopped, turning around to glare at her former crush, trying to keep the tears from falling.

"Oh really?" She gasped, voice trembling in her effort to keep her emotions in check.

"YES! Of course it is! I mean, I had _no idea _you felt anything for me until Sakura explained it to me yesterday at Ichiraku's! And then I realized that you're really pretty, and patient, and probably wouldn't yell at me... or... or at least hit me when you got angry at me for something I didn't even realize I did, and I thought that'd it be really, really nice to maybe spend some time with you, only I had no idea what to do with you or girls in general, so I asked Sakura to help me because seriously, Sai figured it out before I did and that's saying something, so, so, she set up this whole picnic thing for us, which I thought was stupid because I don't really like picnics, 'specially when we could be eating ramen, but I agreed anyway because I didn't know what to do, and Sakura seemed to know, and she said girls like romantic picnics, so I went along with what she said only I wasn't supposed to talk about Sakura, and I screwed that up, and now you're really angry and I'm sorry!"

Hinata blinked, wondering how somebody could say so much without having to pause for breath, before the words sank in.

"You... you think I'm pretty?" Hinata whispered, instantly returning to her insecure self.

"Of course!" Naruto crowed, grinning broadly at the white eyed female. "You have pretty black hair, and pretty eyes, and your strong but not scary strong like Sakura or Granny Tsunade! And even though you try to hide it, I can tell you must have an awesome ra-, err, awesome... awesome... personality!" Naruto cheered, quickly covering a potential disaster.

Hinata smiled again, her timid shy smile, and Naruto realized that he had meant every word of it. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all!

"Oh! The lunch you brought...!" Hinata cried, realizing that they had left the academy behind, and wanting to talk about anything other then herself.

"Pfft, all that was in there was rice balls and sushi. Why don't we go get some ramen instead!" Naruto said, sounding even more enthused.

Hinata's smile widened, knowing that this was Naruto speaking, and not some plan laid out by Sakura.

"Sounds wonderful."

---

Hinata stared wide eye as Naruto polished off yet another bowel of ramen, biting her lip as she tried not to laugh at Natuo's antics and wild stories about his missions, wondering what it must've been like to spend years with Konoha's number one surprising ninja.

"And then Yamato-taicho did some crazy wood technique to it, and the rubber duck EXPLODED, and there was splinters EVERYWHERE but Sai didn't even pause and did some crazy art jutsu and then there were those cat beast things EVERYWHERE..."

Hinata had to laugh, feeling more comfortable then she had in ages. Naruto seemed to have that effect on people, making everyone put all their faith in him no matter.

"Hey, you're laughing! You have a pretty laugh too!" Naruto said, proud that he gotten the shy heiress to act more comfortably around him. However Hinata instantly clammed up again, blushing.

"Nonononono don't do that!

---

Ino gasped, nearly collapsing from exhaustion but she knew she couldn't stop. She had to find Sakura now!

_Oh no, oh no, oh NO!!!_

Oh she was in trouble. They were both in serious trouble. They both were going to get _killed_.

"You're in a hurry Ms. Beautiful!"

Ino skidded to a halt, turning around frantically to find Sai standing on a nearby corner, looking quite absurd smiling that painfully fake smile of his and holding a... whicker basket?

"Sai! Oh my god Sai you have to help me!" Ino cried, running over and grabbing a hold of the stoic artist.

"Helping each other in times of need without expecting anything in return is a sign of a true friendship not guided by insecurity or jealousy. In order to build more meaning bonds, I must help you without expecting something from you in return."

Ignoring everything besides the "I must help you" part, Ino began dragging Sai with her, eyes frantically darting around.

"Do you know where Sakura is? I went to her house but she wasn't home, and Tsunade hasn't an idea either, and I _really _need to find her!" Ino cried, causing Sai to blink, the only sign that he was in the least bit surprised.

"I believe she agreed to help Iruka with a genjutsu demonstration at the academy. I asked her wether she would be helping with the transformation jutsu, because I think the students would take more kindly if she transformed herself into somebody less ugly but..."

The rest of his words were lost to Ino as she broke out in a renewed sprint, Sai following behind still caring that ridiculous basket. Ino ignored him, though secretly grinned as she realized how cool it must look to be followed around town by the sexy ANBU member.

"... by effecting the central nervous system. With it you, effect the five primary senses and...

"SAKURA!" Ino screamed, leaping through the open Academy window to nearly tackle her cherry blossom friend.

"INO!" Sakura shrieked, blushing furiously as the young group of acedemy students broke into giggles, Iruka rubbing the bridge of his noise in exasperation.

"QUICK!" Ino hollered, dragging Sakura forcefully out of the classroom and into the hallway, Sai following silently behind.

As Iruka tried to get the class in order again, Ino slammed Sakura against a nearby wall, eyes wide with fright.

"What, WHAT?!" Sakura shrieked, wondering what could have gotten Ino into such a blind panic.

"It's terrible!" Ino moaned, shaking her friend to emphasize her point.

"INO WHAT?!" Sakura hollered, trying to find out what was so terribly wrong.

"It's... it's Neji!" Ino cried, her eyes brimming with tears. Sakura felt her medical cool take over, wondering what must've happened to the one of the strongest ninja in the village that would have Ino so panicked.

"What is it Ino?" Sakura said, her voice changing to calm and soothing.

"He, he stopped by the flower shop a while ago..." Ino began, causing Sakura to quirk an eyebrow. She guessed it wasn't medical, or at least, wasn't something medical concerning Neji.

"He... he was asking if I knew were Hinata was!" Ino yelled. Sakura felt her body go cold. Hinata...?

"He says she never came home last night. Sakura, Hinata left with..."

"Naruto," Sakura finished, wondering if her master plan might've worked out to well. He wouldn't... they couldn't...!

Sai interrupted, striding forward and holding the basket he had been carrying to Sakura.

"What else?" Sakura moaned, wondering what else could be happening at a time like this?

"Sakura-chan, would you do me the honor of joining me for lunch today?" Sai said. Sakura blinked, wondering where he had heard those words before...

"_Ok Naruto, this is what you're going to say, exactly like this: Hinata-chan, would you do me the honor of joining me for lunch today... hey, Naruto, are you even listening!"_

Oh. My. God.

"Did you just ask her on a _date_?" Ino screeched, highly affronted. _She_ was Ms. Beautiful! Sakura was supposed to be the hag! Why would he ask Sakura out, and not her?

"Sai, this isn't funny, and it's certainly not the time!" Sakura snapped, dashing towards the door to the school building. "We have to find Naruto!"

Sai blinked, wondering why Sakura would think he was trying to be funny. He was serious! He had always said he liked ugly girls like her!

---

Ino and Sakura raced across the rooftops of Konoha, frantically racing towards Naruto's house, Sai falling into step quickly behind still trying to figure out what he said that was so wrong.

"What are we going to do?!" Ino yelled, knowing that if Neji or any of the other Hyuuga's had found out that Hinata, the Hyuuga's heiress had spent the night with another man, Naruto of all people, that they were all dead.

Naruto for... well, god Sakura couldn't even think about it, and she was sure they'd find out that Ino and Sakura had both played parts in it as well.

They were so _dead_!

"We're breaking through!

"WHAT?! We can't just... break in there! What if we catch them...!"

"SHUT UP INO! If they are, we have to stop it, and we know Naruto won't get up to answer the door if that's the case!"

Ino felt like crying but she knew Sakura had a point, even if it was sick and disgusting. To think, Hinata would loose her virginity before she did, and to someone like Naruto. UGH, it just wasn't RIGHT!

"There!" Sakura called out, spotting Naruto's apartment up ahead. Gathering her chakra, she need to gauge her strength just right. Last thing she wanted was to bring the whole building down around their heads.

_Might be a quicker death then anything Neji might have in store, but maybe there's a chance we'll only escape this situation maimed..._ Sakura thought silently, though it did little to comfort her.

"SHHHHHAAARRRAAANNNOOO!"

Brick, plaster and wood shattered beneath her fists, leaving a nice size gap in Naruto's bedroom wall. Landing in the room, Sakura whirled around, very well expecting to see her two friends in the throws of passion.

Only the room was... empty? The sound of the bedroom door slamming open kept her from trying to figure out what was going on.

"Sakura, what the **HELL**?!" Naruto screamed, looking at the rubble that had once been a serviceble wall.

"Naruto, what did you do to Hinata!" Sakura yelled, ignoring Naruto's indignation of having his bedroom invaded.

"What did I do?! I took her out for some ramen after you stupid plan failed! I told you that a picnic was a bad idea!"

"What did you do after?" Sakura accused,

"After? Sakura, we were at Ichiraku's until really late, I was telling Hinata stories about missions, remember the one with rubber duck? Anywho, we just talked and talked and talked, you should not yell so much Sakura, I listen much better if you're quiet like Hinata, only Hinata was dead on her feet and began nodding off on the way home, so I brought her back here to sleep. She protested, thinking people might get the wrong idea, but I assured her that NOBODY would think that the two of use would be doing... well... _that_ so she slept in the bed, and I slept on the couch, and I was going to make her breakfast and take her home. Turns out she likes cup ramen too!

... Wait, what did you think we were doing?!" Naruto accused as Sakura blushed and tried to mutter something underneath her breath.

"SAKURA-CHAN! You're a PERVERT!" Naruto yelled, blushing furiously as well. "You thought... and you just slammed through my bedroom wall...!"

"Is that what this is all about?" Sai asked, speaking up from where he and Ino had been standing silently behind.

"I could have told you that Naruto-kun wouldn't have slept with Hinata. I mean, I don't think he's even capable considering..."

"SAI! SHUT UP! And... and... what are you doing here! Sakura, you brought others along thinking you'd get a peep show!"

"I didn't...!"

"That's DISGUSTING!"

"I was asking Sakura out on a date using the method she prescribed, but I agree that the plan was flawed. As for what I'm doing here, I would have never made it through if it hadn't been for my Horse!" Sai prouldy interrupted, patting Sakura on the head as though he had given her a compliment.

"... You're WHAT?!" Sakure shrieked.

---

Yes, I tip toed around some major plot points, but that was completely intentional. To keep things as... err.. canon as possible, I didn't want put something that may or may not happen. Use your imaginations and fill in the gaps as you see fit.

Isn't that awesome?!

Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this little ficlet, and in case you were wondering, the stipulations were:

-Genre is mostly up to you, mind you, I'm a sucker for romance fanfics -- [Check!

-Must include mention of a rubber duck [Check!

-Must involve a rice ball somewhere [Check!

-One character must also use the phrase, "I would have never made it through if it hadn't been for my horse [kekekeke... this was my favorite! Check!

Ta da!

[/i[b


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